Greatitudes

Our next-to-last week in Tucson was a good one.

Sunday - we went to the "4th Street potluck". About 50 people there. I only knew four of them. Apparently our street is quite long! I've recently learned how to have a conversation with a stranger I'm sharing a dinner table with. You ask them about themselves, and then you listen! I'm grateful to have learned how to do this, finally.

Monday - Our last session of "Reimagining God." This year's new activity has been such a gift! I'm finding long-held questions being answered and feeling very comfortable in my own spiritual search.

Tuesday - line dancing. Two dances for 45 minutes. Such good exercise. 

And in the afternoon, a massage. We've treated ourselves every week since we got here. There's a Massage Envy in Tucson we especially like - including getting the employee rate. 

Wednesday - Art sat in a vendor booth for four hours selling our book. We figure we have sold 25 books since we got to Arizona in December. It always surprises me when people ask to buy a copy. I wonder why that is? I'm looking forward to hearing from someone what they thought about the book. Is anyone reading it? 

And in the afternoon, I walked out of the current events discussion group for the first time. There was a substitute facilitator who used the occasion to pontificate on his own very conservative views about climate change, and another conservative person picked up the topic and said some unkind things involving "wacko people from Seattle". I thought, well, no, I don't have to listen. It felt good to comment with my feet!

Thursday - Our last session of Great Decisions, a foreign affairs discussion group. I was a new facilitator this year, and the enthusiasm of group members was encouraging. Almost everyone plans to attend again next year. They've decided they want to limit the amount of a time a person can talk when it's their turn, and they want to discipline themselves to stay on topic. This group jelled really well and I learned a LOT about foreign affairs. 

And then, in the evening, our last session with a covenant group at the local Unitarian church. The topic was hope - not a word often used in our daily lives.

Friday - In the evening we met my ex-husband John's sister Patty's daughter Bridget (24) and her fiance Gilbert at a Tucson restaurant. This young woman was not even born when John and I divorced, but I've met her a couple of times and had a good conversation with her her at an Oregon funeral (John's brother Paul, Bridget's uncle) in November. Good food (enormous T-bones their specialty), campy cowboy entertainment and a shoot-out show afterwards. As usual, the two women talked and the men listened. What is that about?

Saturday - An extra handbells practice to prepare for our Sunday concert. I thought I got the last few spots worked out.

And in the afternoon we took desserts from resort folks to the Salvation Army in Tucson. Along with a dozen other people, we put 90 desserts on plates, set out silverware and napkins. As people came in, I took 90 plates from Christine, each with a bowl of chili, added a piece of cornbread, and handed it to Hannah to add cheese and avocado. We fed women with small children, women alone, and men. Most of these people sleep in the facility and leave for the day in the morning. Some receive job training and coaching. I was pooped by the time we got home, but what a cool thing! First time for me, to feed the hungry. 

Sunday - another handbell practice and then our concert. I couldn't believe how many mistakes I made!  So did others. Our director, Bette, said no one in the audience would have noticed. The beginning handbells group played first. Their music was simpler than ours, but I didn't hear a single mistake. Good to remind myself to be humble.

I thought off and on this week about buying the place we're renting. It's our second winter renting, and we'll be signing a contract this week for next year, assuming the place doesn't get sold. We're considering offering to buy it in September for a lower price than the owners are asking.

Blessed are the 55+ folks, for they may be free from the obligation to work.
Blessed are the volunteers, for they share themselves with others.
Blessed are the new friends, for they listen and want to be heard.
Blessed are the opportunities to serve, for they remind me to be grateful!

It's getting to be time

We leave Tucson two weeks from today. We'll spend a week in Sedona and then begin our four-day drive home.

The end-of-season gatherings are beginning. Today we're going to a "4th Street" potluck. We'll be spending time with neighbors we've met  - Dar and Betty, Ronnie and Bill, Jodie, Selma, Michael and Michelle, Don and Betty - and meeting some we don't know. I'm not keen on gatherings of this sort, but we've been waving to them all as we walk or ride our bicycles - everyone does that here - so the faces are familiar. The potluck will celebrate our neighborhood away from home.

On Thursday my Monday/Wednesday/Friday water aerobics class is going to lunch at the RV park's restaurant. I used to think an 8:00 a.m. class was too early, but here I usually wake up on my own at about 7:15 so it's been a good way to start my day. The class is full of familiar faces now: Carol, Susie, Mike, Hannah, Laura, Bill, Marilyn, Billie and a dozen others. We laugh a lot. When we meet at other times, we say we don't recognize each other with our clothes on! Carol teaches the class as a volunteer and there's a card and an envelope going around for her.

A week from today my handbell group gives its concert. We're in the usual "not quite ready to perform" state, but I expect the rough spots will be ironed out at Tuesday's rehearsal - or we may need an extra practice. It's been a pleasure to meet up with these folks for the last ten weeks to make music. There's also a card and envelope going around for Bette, the director.

Next Monday there's a gathering for the Reimagining God discussion group. This has been an unexpected gift for us - we didn't participate last year because we knew we'd be leaving before the end of the season. Everyone in the group is on a spiritual journey. Storytelling has been a big part this year - Art and I told our stories, and so did Betty, Mer, Eve, David, Sanjay, Bob, and a few others. The trust among group members has been very special.

The luncheon for the Great Decisions foreign affairs discussion groups is a week from Thursday. I was asked to facilitate the newest, fifth group this year.  Group V started out with six participants and grew to thirteen: Alex and Nancy, Lou, Al and Bette, JoAnne and Dick, Marcia and Jerry, Jim, Pothan, and Art and me. We're from Canada, California, Minnesota, Missouri, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Washington. All winter friends. The luncheon speaker is a woman talking about the current status of women in Afghanistan.

Two weeks from today there's a potluck for participants in our Tuesday evening 12th step group. We may decide to stay one more night so we can attend that gathering.

There are no gatherings that I know of for our line dancing class or our current events group. We have two more sessions of each before our departure.

We started the season with the intention of regular attendance at two-step dancing and the Native American flute circle, but other circumstances prevailed and we only attended those events a couple of times. We still dance, though, and we're still working on playing our flutes. We hope to take the flutes on a hike in Sedona and see how they sound among the red rocks.

A few of our friends have already left the resort for home. Others will stay a little longer than we do. The winter community will dissolve and come together again next year. We're signing a contract with our landlord for another three months in 2015. Our park model is up for sale, so we risk not being able to come back to the same one if it's sold before next year - but we're not ready to buy a place.

Sun, wonderful sun! Arizona in the winter!

Knowing what to do

Sometimes I get it right, knowing what to do.  And sometimes I don't. And sometimes I don't know.

I have a an old friend currently undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. She and I had coffee months ago, when she'd just received her diagnosis and was making her plans. She is fairly young, full of energy and anger at the unfairness of a cancer diagnosis. She had blue wristbands made for supporters. Each one has "Believe" engraved on it. On the days of her chemo I wear the blue band. And every morning I send her a Facebook text: Believe, or Believing, or Believe!, or I'm a Believer, or a similar phrase. I have been doing this for the last 60 days or so. I can tell when she's feeling good because she reads my text within an hour or so. Some days it takes her 12 hours, or until the next day, and then I know she's struggling. I'm a texter, and so is she, and this communication works. I know what to do.

I have a newer friend who sat with me in the hospital for five hours the day Art had his cardiac arrest and checked in with me for a couple of weeks afterward. She doesn't text or Facebook. She calls. Last week her partner had a stroke. I knew about it when I saw her on Monday, but I didn't talk to her until I saw her again on Saturday. I thought about her every day, wondering how she and her partner were doing. But I didn't call because I didn't want to be a bother. I didn't know what to do. I told her that when I talked to her on Saturday. She said what they most needed was positive energy and prayers for her partner's full recovery. I can do that, now that I know what to do.

I have another newer friend who is helping her ailing, aging father. The father is getting a divorce from his wife of 20 years. There is a lot of conflict in the household; the father, the daughter, and the stepmother are entangled in the anger and stress that is so often present in these situations. My friend asked me if I would go to the house as a "neutral third party" on the day the stepmother came over to go through the household possessions. I'm a mediator, so I did that. In the four hours we were all together, I did a lot of listening, some coaching, and some affirming. I really was neutral. I think my friend expected me to be more of an advocate for her, but we had discussed my role and she said she wanted my neutrality. I'm pretty sure the day went much better with me than it would have without me. But it wasn't a "happily ever after" day. We were all very tired at the end. I did my best, but I don't know what the outcome will be for my friend or her family.

I wish I knew what to do every time, but I'm thinking that's unrealistic. I just need to give each situation my best shot.

Catching up on a cloudy Sunday

I've had a cold for the last three days. Nice thing about a cold is I pretty much know what to expect in terms of how I'll feel. I've mostly sat in the recliner and worked on my computer, catching up. I also have a broken toe from having it stepped on this week.

Art's "health scare" is pretty much behind us. On Monday evening we went to the CCR class so we could give hugs to Melissa and Riley, the trainers who taught me the procedure I used. We were asked to tell our story again to the 127 people who showed up for the class. Just that afternoon Art and I had given talks at our "Reimagining God" group about our spiritual journeys. By the time we went to bed we were two tired, elderly rock stars!  

I don't like having nothing to do, but I overdid it in recent weeks. Just this morning I finished off my last online class. At one point I was taking five at the same time, and that was too many. Now I am starting two more: negotiations/conflict resolution and art. They won't be as time consuming.

We got a home exchange offer for this summer from a family in Brittany, France. We usually get half a dozen or so offers and they are often places we've either been to or don't have an interest in. But this one was tempting. I wrote and said we were considering it and would let them know in a week. I checked airfares and even bought a copy of Rick Steves' book on France. But on Wednesday I wrote and told the family we wouldn't be able to do the exchange this year. It's because:

• My sister and her husband are moving from Alaska to Seattle. They'll be living in their motorhome until they know where they will be working. We'd offered them the motorhome space in our back yard starting on July 1. If we'd gone to France they would have had to find a park for a month. I am very big on keeping my commitments. Even though we offered to pay for the park space, I felt bad about going back on my promise.
• We had made plans with one of our grandsons to take him to New York City to celebrate getting Cs or better in all his classes. He's one of those kids who could ace every class if he were interested and willing. He told us NYC was the place in all the world he'd like to go. I talked to him this morning and reminded him that if he gets the grades this quarter we can start planning, and if he gets them next quarter we'll have to plan later. The voice at the other end of the line at the beginning of the conversation was bored and monotone. At the end it sounded excited and cheerful. We had a long string of teenagers, and I know that voice. But if he makes the grades, we need to go to New York City when the Yankees are in town. A baseball game, Ground Zero, and the Statue of Liberty are his must-sees.
• We have sent two of our granddaughters to camp for the last couple of years, and they were promised they could go this year. But they have moved to Spokane with their mom and stepdad, and they're scheduled to spend the summer in Oregon with my son, their dad. So they don't know what camp session they want to attend, or even whether they'd rather have the whole time with their dad. Plus, camp usually involves a few days at our house either beforehand or afterwards. That means we need to stay flexible about the times we'll be home and away. Grandma wants to be very reliable.
• We have already made plans to do our sixth schooner cruise out of Rockland, Maine, in early September, and if we add a week to the front or back of that trip we'll be gone a couple of weeks.  I wonder how much vacation we really need now that we spend our winters in Arizona.
• It's probably a good idea to spend this year in our home country while Art recovers, body and mind, from his "health scare."

We also got an exchange offer from Budapest. That sounded tempting too. But we'll be home instead, tending to our garden and our family.

Me and my MOOCs

Nope, not a typo. MOOC stands for Massive Open Online Course. I'm a lifelong learner, but I don't much like to drive to take classes. I have no need or wish to earn another degree.  I live in Arizona in the winter and I travel at other times of the year.  So MOOCs work for me. I just discovered them and so far I'm very glad. I take the classes for no credit and they are free.

Here's what Wikipedia has to say:

A Massive Open Online Course (MOOC) is an online course aimed at unlimited participation and open access via the web. In addition to traditional course materials such as videos, readings, and problem sets, MOOCs provide interactive user fora that help build a community for students, professors, and teaching assistants (TAs). MOOCs are a recent development in distance education.

In the last three months I have taken the following four-week classes:

From Open2Study:

• Foundations of Psychology
• Chemistry - Building Blocks of the World
• The Body as a Machine. 
• Your Body in the World
• Big Data for Better Performance

I am finishing up Your Body in the World today. Tomorrow I start two new classes: 

• Negotiations and Conflict Resolution
• The Art of Drawing and Painting

I have found the Open2Study courses to be at a comfortable level for me. I overscheduled myself, though, and got stressed out. Two classes at a time is better than five! 

From Coursera:

• Social and Economic Networks. I dropped this class about halfway through. I learned a lot about the concepts but the math was too much for me. Even for no credit, no cost, matrix algebra and calculus are beyond me.
• Introduction to Neuroscience. I dropped this one also about halfway through. Again, I learned a lot, but this one went into way more detail about chemical activitiy in the nervous system than I wanted to learn. 

When I take another offering from Coursera, I will take just one class. I want to learn about human physiology in more detail, but I know it will be time consuming. 

There are lots of websites offering MOOC courses, in a wide variety of subjects. A good place to start looking is www.mooc-list.com.

A woman in my water aerobics class writes for a magazine read by RVers. Yesterday she interviewed me about the classes I take via MOOC. They're a great activity for people on the move!

My band of angels

Looking back on the two weeks since Art's "health scare" we feel exceptionally fortunate. Through the most stressful time, friends in Arizona and Washington as well as family supported us. Art went to a local doctor on Monday and was pronounced doing well and very lucky to have a wife who knows CPR. His blood pressure meds are still being adjusted, since he was taken off the diuretic that likely contributed to his low potassium level, and he will have one return visit in six weeks, just before we leave for Sedona and home. On Tuesday he visited the pacemaker clinic. The tech reviewed  his readings over the previous week, since he'd left the hospital, and found no heart irregularities. Art was cleared to remove his sling, drive, bicycle and pursue his ordinary activities while he "takes it easy" for the next six weeks. No cardiology appointment was needed. Amazing!

Yesterday the first notification arrived from our HMO in Washington. The semi-private room is covered. Hopefully so are the ambulance, the ER, the ICU, the angiogram, the echocardiogram, the multiple EKGs and blood draws, and the procedure to insert the pacemaker/defibrillator. I guess we'll get a bunch of "okay, we'll cover this" forms over the next few weeks. How wonderful to have insurance.

Last weekend I wrote a note and left it on the door of the fifth wheel where Scott lives. He's the fellow who applied the AED to Art. I asked him to give me a call to fill me in on details I've forgotten about what happened. I haven't heard from him. That's probably just as well. We need to move on rather than continuously looking back on those minutes of our lives.

Art's daughter Melissa drove from San Diego this weekend for a visit, and his daughter Laura flew in from New Jersey. They wanted to check out their dad's condition for themselves. One day we went to the Southwest Desert Museum...

This is a javelina - looks like a pig but is actually a peccary. We see them in Arizona in the wild as well as at the Southwest Desert museum.

...and the next we walked and ran in Sabino Canyon. Actually, Art and I took the tram to the top and walked halfway down, caught the tram back up to the top and rode it down. Mel and Laura ran to the top and back. They arrived back at the car well before we did.

Each of these daughters lived with us when they were going to school years ago. I have known them both for over 20 years. They are like my own. Such a fine time we had in the Arizona sun!

We have been participating in a Monday group called "Reimagining God". It's a spiritual exploration of sorts. Today we went to a progressive Methodist church we attended once last month. The guest speaker was an Islamic imam from Seattle, and we stayed for discussion afterward. We look for the spiritual similarities rather than the religious differences. I've been saying for a couple of years now that we are all in this together, and the explorations and events of this winter are confirming that.

I think about my friends in Seattle and elsewhere. I am in touch by email, phone and Facebook. I see my friends in Tucson often, since most of them are less than a five-minute walk from our little home. I feel surrounded by my band of angels.

CPR in the real world: Moving Forward

Art was discharged from the University of Arizona Medical Center on Tuesday, after three days of evaluation and monitoring. His arteries are clear and his heart is healthy. He now has a pacemaker/ICD (implantable cardioverter defibrillator) to handle any future electrical issues. We think the episode was triggered by extremely low potassium levels. He's wearing a sling to remind him to keep his shoulder immobile until the incision heals. We hope it will come off on Tuesday when he has his first appointment with the pacemaker people. Then we will get back on our bicycles.

I am usually compliant with medical recommendations, and Art is sometimes not. I am relieved that he has not decided he can drive; he has an early morning meeting every day and has found rides to them all so I can sleep. He has not, however, decided to refrain from drinking coffee. I keep reminding myself that each person has a right to decide on his own quality of life. It is very hard for me to keep my mouth shut.

We went to a dance last night. It had been a week since Art got any kind of exercise and he got a little out of breath. He said he was fine - that the shortness of breath he experienced before he collapsed isn't the same thing as being out of breath. Still, I got paranoid. I told my friend Judy, a nurse, and she didn't say, "He should sit down and rest." She said, "You'll get over your paranoia."!

I called the woman who coordinates the CPR classes at the resort (it's actually called CCP, or Continuous Chest Compression, as the method has changed since I first took CPR decades ago). I told her I'd be interested in speaking at the resort and elsewhere about the importance of learning the technique.

So yesterday Art and I spoke to 300 people at the monthly coffee and doughnuts gathering. The meeting was broadcast via closed-circuit TV all over the resort. Art said, "My name is Art Myers. Last Saturday I was playing pickleball with my wife - and I was winning, 10-8 - when I got short of breath and dizzy. I went to sit down on the sideline. Then I died." He handed the microphone to me and I told the story. My concluding sentence was, "I am pleading with you to take the class. You never know when you might need to save a life." We'll see how attendance goes at the next class a couple of weeks from now.

The coordinator also sent our names and our story to the public health person in Tucson. I said I would be willing to speak any time until we leave here on March 22.

We have had wonderful support from family and friends, both here and at home. I had rides to and from the hospital every day (I lost my glasses that Saturday, and I have terrible night vision), visitors at the hospital, emails and text messages and phone calls - even a casserole! People stop us in the resort to ask how we're doing.

On the inside, I am still stressed. I have done some laughing, but no crying yet. I wonder if that will happen.