January 20, 2010
I’m afraid of heights - and of being a bag lady.
I’m quitting my job on June 25 of this year, after 20 years with this company and another 10 or so before that working other places. The world of work is familiar – my way of being useful and of bringing home the money for my life.But my work mantra today – and for most days for the past year – is, “I’m done.”
I am so ready for the no-alarm awakenings and open days, for the exploration of new interests. Everyone I know who’s already retired says I’ll love it.
But I am also scared. What if I get bored? Usually, by the end of a two-week vacation, I’m ready to get back to work, to my scheduled days and crammed to-do list. Time on my hands sometimes leads to ponderings about the meaning of life and mortality and a vague wish I’d taken some other road on my life’s journey – without the slightest idea of what that road might have been, and without any significant disenchantment with the path I actually traveled. What if that happens and I have no reassuring morning destination to muffle my mental quests?
It’s like I’m on the precipice of the next part of my life journey. And, as I said, I’m afraid of heights.
This bag lady business is weird. My friends say it’s impossible I could ever become a bag lady. I’ve got too much energy, they say – too many interests, too much enthusiasm. Besides, they remind me, I’ve planned the finances of quitting work so completely - witness innumerable spreadsheet scenarios all attesting to a reasonable degree of financial security. You don’t have to worry about being a bag lady, my friends assure me, chuckling.
Still, I’m afraid of heights. And of being bag lady.
15 comments:
A happy blogiversary to you!
I hadn't realized you'd been quite so nervous! Glad things are turning out great for you... no bags in sight, I'd say.
I agree! You are doing so well, and this post is a reminder of how many things we stress out over that don't end up being anywhere near reality. Thanks for the reminder, and congratulations on being a Year Old Blogger!
Happy Blogger Anniversary!
So how many days have you actually been bored in this first year of retirement?
One day last August, I thought to myself, "Oh, my God, what have I done?" That was for about two hours.
I can relate to your bag lady fears. It's what keeps me going in and punching that time clock every day. But I can't imagine ever being bored at home. There are so many things on the back burner waiting for me to have the time to do them. Judging from your blog, I'm sure this hasn't been a big problem for you, either.
;-)
Happy blogaversary and it appears your friends were right. It is nice having smart friends.
I think Bag Lady in your case means one with a traveling bag, all packed and ready to go. And being afraid of heights means,"Yes I am, but I'm going for it anyway."
Linda,
Happy Blog Birthday! I have so enjoyed traveling the road with you this past year.
Jann
Happy Anniversary! Yes, we are adjusting to non-work all the time. The adjustment is never easy, but it does happen eventually as other issues come up to occupy your time. Thanks for the visit.
What an excellent first post, full of emotion and fears yet hope for what your future would hold and the plan to get you there without becomming a bag lady :-) Looking forward to another year full of your adventures, happy to be able to read along!
Linda, congratulations on your one year Bloggiversary! And congratulations on your retirement. You have inspired me. :-)
Cheers!
Jo
Your post reminded me of all my insecurities about retirement five years ago. I love everything about being retired except the lack of a paycheck. I don't have a lot of money for luxuries, but I revel in the freedom!
Happy Bloggiversary! Glad to be a follower! Keep on writing. =)
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