Making a few changes

I'm not opposed to change. Sometimes I'm right there when it needs to happen, and sometimes I don't see the need until it's well past time.

Here are some changes I'm making, whether I realized the need early on or not.

• We've lived in our winter place for five years now. This year we changed out the bed from the time when our park model was a rental. I didn't even think about a new bed until about a month ago, when I realized my back hurt when I was lying down. Who would have guessed that a new bed would fix the problem?

• I've ridden my bicycle nearly every day for the last couple of weeks. I still feel a little clumsy and sluggish on it. I realized just yesterday that one of the problems is the basket bolted to the handlebars; it adds just a little too much weight to the front. So I'm going to take the basket off. I'll replace it with either something over the rear wheels or a daypack. I was so thrilled to have a place to carry a water bottle or sheet music that I didn't realize the downside of the basket.

• I'm somewhat of an introvert. I've learned over the years that I'm not comfortable at social gatherings where I don't know most of the people already. I am best "one on one" or "one on a few". I have begun to turn down potluck dinners, or parties where I know only the hosts. Even if I love the hosts! I say, "I'm grateful and honored that you invited me, but I'm going to say no." I did that for a Thanksgiving invitation even though I knew my husband Art and I might end up spending the holiday alone. I'm pretty sure the hostess understood, and I'm looking forward to having lunch or coffee with her in the next week or so.

• My husband Art is more of a homebody than I am. He is also a Vietnam veteran. He doesn't much like going to movies, where we're sitting in a dark space surrounded by strangers. He'd rather watch movies on Netflix at home, and we have been doing that for years. This year, I've decided I'll go to movies with friends if the opportunity arises. Then, if the movie is something I think he'll like, I'll add it to our Netflix queue. I have told Art I'd rather go places with him than anyone else, but I'll go with others if he wants to pass. Yesterday I went to see "Three Billboards..." with friends, and I've added it to our queue. I expect to see "Wonder" and "Lady Bird" in the next couple of weeks.

• Holiday traditions get to change now. Art and I had a ten-minute conversation today about our ideas for the holiday season. We agreed on simple decorations (not put up until December 10), simple gifts for grandchildren, a few candles, maybe a cultural event of some kind. That's about it. This year will be the first in 45 years I don't send cards; I will write a holiday letter and post it on my blog and on Facebook. Art says we have been involved all year with refugees, so we've had Christmas all year.  

• We have an 18-year-old grandson who's been in the county jail for over a month now, waiting to be sentenced for the outcome of a decision that "looked like a good idea at the time." None of his family members are bailing him out because this time of incarceration is a consequence of his decision and gives him time to think about what he wants to do differently in the future. There was a time when we might have bailed him out "under certain conditions". Or, at the very least, worried about him every day and visited him as often as we could. These days, we mind our own business. We love this kid and we're pretty sure the county jail will be a better teacher than we could be.

• For the last five years, I have mostly spent my winters "playing" at the Voyager, where we live in the winter. This year I decided it was time to participate in some useful way in the larger Tucson community. Because of the time I've spent in the last year volunteering at the Oinofyta refugee camp in Greece, I've developed an acute consciousness of social injustice, and I want to continue to be useful.  So on Monday night I went to a meeting of a group called No More Deaths (No Mas Muertes). I looked at this group last year, but I had a scheduling conflict that kept me from attending the meetings. I learned last week that there's a legal clinic on the first and third Saturday of the month, where volunteers help people in danger of being deported prepare their cases. I have worked in the court at home and I am a mediator and I am familiar with communication issues and solutions where I speak a different language from the person I am assisting. So I will spend next Saturday afternoon at the legal clinic, seeing how I can help. And tomorrow, I will renew my commitment to learn Spanish using my Rosetta Stone software.