Thursday, June 10, 2010

It's been a little scary today. Sitting in my cube, thinking that my last day is two weeks from tomorrow, I realized I don't want to be there on June 25. I'm not wild about goodbyes, whether I'm leaving or someone else is. So I put in for four hours of vacation on that Friday afternoon. I'll take my carpool to work and then ask my husband Art to pick me up at noon, with my one last Xerox box of personal stuff. When my colleagues get back from lunch, I'll be gone.

This job has been a long one - 20 years - and mostly satisfying, except for the last few years. I won't miss having to ration my vacation days, or drive to work in the dark and come home in the dark during the winter months. And the workplace drama and all the rules made by somebody else.

But my time will be my own to fill, and at first it might be intimidating, even with the plans I've made.

The other scary part of the day was in getting my Social Security statement for the year and realizing that, having worked in a place for all these years where I didn't pay into Social Security, I'm not getting much out of Social Security! Our budget included only a small amount from Social Security, but the actual will be less than that. And even though the financial planner is reassuring, the Bag Lady is whispering, "I told you so."

Two weeks from tomorrow! It's really here. Oddly enough, my blood pressure is rising a bit as I think about July, with a short trip to San Antonio at the beginning and a weeklong one to Alaska at the end. And all those days in between. Freedom and fear. Jubilation and uncertainty.

Bring it on, I guess.


Teresa Evangeline said...

I, too, never like goodbyes and try to avoid them. They always seem to carry too much unnecessary weight. I think your plan to take a half a day of vacation is a good one. You can create your own closure in a way that feels right to you.

Linda Myers said...

Too much unnecessary weight. Great description - thanks!

Deb Shucka said...

What a grand adventure you're about to embark upon. Even though you're not wanting goodbyes, I hope you'll do some sort of rite of passage ceremony for yourself. Something that will help mark this transition as a time to celebrate. The fear is part of the package, but that only tells you you're alive and about to step into the unknown. I'm excited for you.