My mother was something of a snob. She'd made good by marrying a career military officer, and from her position of security, she freely cast judgment on others and taught her daughters to do likewise. Anything she didn't care for -- art that differed from what she liked, wardrobe choices she found unattractive, home decor she wouldn't have chosen -- she dismissed as in "bad taste".
She was particularly scornful of plastic flamingos on lawns. All of us pointed and laughed when we saw one. It was almost a game. "Oh, look! Six flamingos over there," someone would say, and heads would swivel to take in this worst of all offenses.
As an adult I obtained a professional degree and worked for a company that developed software for educational institutions. From time to time I would be sent into the field to train customers to use the software. One day I drove to a school-district office to teach their accounts payable clerk how to use a system called WISE. The computer was slow that day, and the program's logo, a "wise" owl, displayd for an unusually long time as we logged on. To break the silence, I asked the clerk what she thought of the owl.
"It's all right," she said.
Lowering my voice conspiratorially, I said, "I think it's in bad taste myself. You know: like flamingos on someone's lawn."
"I have flamingos on my lawn," she replied.
I excused myself and slunk to the restroom.
I try to learn from my mistakes. So when I redid my yard several years alger, I put out a pink flamingo in it to remind me of that lesson. I wonder if people laugh at it when they drive by.
My submission was accepted! In the July 2024 issue of The Sun, you can see it, along with a dozen or so others: Linda Myers, Brier, Washington.
Last week I got a letter from an inmate in Joliet, Illinois, praising my little essay and commenting on what he most appreciated about it. I knew that The Sun sometimes sends free copies to prisoners, so I wasn't surprised.
I Googled the prison and found the inmate. His name is Dedric T. Moore. been in prison since 1999 and is scheduled to get out in 2039. He was 19 when he was convicted of murder and other offenses. Now he is 45. He is going to college through the Northwestern Prison Education program.
My first fan mail.
8 comments:
I like your mother. She embodies the spirit of a lot of women of her era, whose daughters have inherited a world where we have learned to hold our tongues on so many topics. And plant a pink flamingo in a flower bed to remind ourselves.
Good for Dedric; he's more than half way to his finish line, and bringing an education out with himself.
Nice! I grew up honing my judgements to a much greater degree than my mom did. Sometimes I aimed my bratty little criticisms at her choices, and she rightfully called me a snob. Eventually I figured out that I wasn’t ever going to be the most stylish, live in a palace, know every opera by heart, all the things I equated with taste. Life became more spontaneous and more fun. I wonder whether Dedric is also a writer.
I will not judge the value of your first fan mail sender any more than I will judge other people's lawn art, including pink flamingoes.
Good for Dedric, and good for displayers of pink flamingoes, whether displayed as a joke or because they are really treasured. Freedom of taste!
I love your story, and feel like I know a little bit more about how you got to be such a cool person, Linda. Sending virtual hugs.
I think my mother was a lot like yours. Perhaps it was a sign of that generation? She was 'socially aware'... and although we weren't poor, we certainly weren't rich. But mom did cast judgement on how people dressed, etc. and considered it 'bad taste' if it didn't match her standards. She was certainly a good person and a good mother, but I never understood that part of her. She would have agreed with your mom on the pink flamingos...
Agree with DJan.
My mom was a lot like your mom. If it wasn't her taste, then she made sure we knew that it wasn't and why. I was often embarrassed at how judgmental she could be towards someone's choice of clothing or food. I do like the idea of the pink flamingo in the yard. :)
In a town nearby, one kid in a particular grade (maybe 3rd or 4th?) would wake up and find a bunch of pink flamingos on his/her lawn. Placed there the night before (by parents?), they rotate and then are on another kids lawn. Each kid feels special and the neighbors all enjoy it. Not sure if they still do it but it sure brings a smile to your face.
My mom was also judgmental; noticing it a bit in myself, but I try to check those feelings.
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